On the way to Eugene, we swam in what we're told by locals is the cleanest river in the country, the Smith. You can see fish and bottom, even where it's 20 feet deep.
Too bad that at this time of year, it's also the coldest river in the country. We enjoyed some cliff diving nonetheless, which I was glad to have survived considering omens before our departure.
Our visit to the river and an underestimation of how treacherous and curvy (and therefore slow) the terrain on the drive would be, made us incredibly late for our last show of the trip at the Samurai Duck in Eugene.
When we arrived at 10:30, the first band had already been playing for half an hour. They were an improv metal band called Speculative Harmony Volunteers* which I thought was going to be two different bands. Unfortunately, it was just the same sucky band twice.
Apparently they had been told they could do two sets before we were added to show. This put us playing at 1 am and neither us, nor Purple Rhinestone Eagle were happy about that. We tried to talk the sound guy into talking some sense into them but he wasn't having it.
So as they were playing their second set, I suited up for another duel. If I won, they would stop. But then they stopped, ending their set with, "Sorry everyone, we were supposed to do two sets but the venue fucked up and booked another band. Sorry."
That was pretty much the most professional move of the tour. But we'll come back to that. Purple Rhinestone Eagle RULED. They're a heavy all-female metal trio from Philly via Portland. Outside I heard people complaining about how Speculative Harmony Volunteers only got to play one and a half sets. Am I insane? Who the fuck plays two sets? Seriously. What the fuck?
Anyway, we got on stage and everyone was drunk which is always better for us. After our first couple of songs, I apologized for being the "fuck up" band that got added "last minute" and then got out the paper and pretended to read it and discover the article about us. "Goodness, how could anyone have known we were coming? If there is one for us, surely there must be two for Speculative Harmony Volunteers?" Matt made a joke about masturbating in public being legal in this strange kingdom. These antics cost us some audience members, but we couldn't take that shit lying down. What kind of band complains about the other bands that are going to play after them? What happened to, "Hey, there are a couple of out of town bands here tonight so stick around?" Geez.
Once we got that off our chests we rocked out really hard since it was the last night. Plus Purple Rhinestone Eagle was standing up front laughing their asses off the whole time and there's nothing better than impressing a band you respect.
Afterward we were treated to a lavish end-of-tour party by our friend Mac, who booked us last time we were in Eugene. I even got to play bartender! Another dream come true.
We left sometime after three and launched some mortar shells in the street. Then the whole posse (minus Mark, Merideth and her friend who went home to sleep or something) went to Amber's house, another friend from our last time in Eugene. There I sword fought on the roof of the house with a lass I developed a crush on on our last visit. I lost my sword but made the pressed-up sword kiss move. Two dreams come true in one night!
"Hey," said Randy. I was stuck to a leather couch. It was morning. "Let's get out of here."
Above: me cliff diving by Mark on his phone. Below: foreign movie poster demonstrating pressed-up sword kiss move.
*Speculative Harmony Volunteers doesn't exist online BECAUSE THEY AREN'T A REAL BAND.