Thursday, October 4, 2007

Just Throwing This Out There: Tootin' Khamuns

Ever since I started a theme band of my own, I have this habit of coming up with ideas for theme bands. Since one theme band is about all a man can handle, these ideas go to waste.

Or make that went to waste.

That’s right, I’m giving them to you, loyal readers. From now on, I will present one ludicrous band idea every Wednesday on this site. They are yours for the taking. If someone out there takes one of these ideas and runs with it, I will be most flattered and invite them to play in my basement.

So, without further ado, here’s my first idea. See, I’m down here in Fullerton, California, hanging out with my buddy Mark JW. It’s probably getting a little chilly where you are, but here in Orange County, it’s still summer. I find myself spending large portions of the day shirtless (and pants-less when no one’s around).

Mark and I were getting ready to take a dip in the pool at his apartment complex when he pointed out that, with the towel on my head I looked sort of Egyptian.

I smelled a theme band.

“The Tutankhamuns,” I thought. “What kind of band would be called the Tutankhamuns?”

Then it hit me. An ancient Egypt-themed ska band called the Tootin’ Khamuns. The toaster (the guy who goes “Hey! Hey! Pick it up!” through the set) would be dressed as a mummy. The frontman, a pharaoh. Everyone else in loin cloths and eye makeup. You’d play songs like, “The Scarab Skank,” and the Bengals-inspired “Skank like an Egyptian” and some of your lyrics would be in hieroglyphics—you’d just shout, “Hand! Reed! Swirl!” between bitchin’ horn parts in the harmonic minor scale.

Go forth. Rock the sarcophagus.


  1. Ahem, this has sort of been handled. "Funky Tut?" Not ska I suppose, but the spirit's there.

  2. It has totally not been handled. A song about Tut is a whole lot different than the pharaoh himself backed by a brass section whose day job is pyramid building! Anyone can write songs about anything. It takes a special talent to become someone or something else. That is the triumph of the persona band.

  3. Shit! Is it just me, or are you totally covered in bruises? I can scarcely imagine how those, eh, came about.

  4. Damn. You're good. I honestly thought no one would notice.